Roadtrip: A Journey of Values
Until recently, my one goal in life was to reach a certain level of comfort and stability. I wanted to live a predictable, cozy, fun, but perhaps also boring life. I thought this would fulfill me. I thought if I followed society’s expectations for my life, I would be successful and proud of my life. I know now that this is false. My personality, my morals, and my pleasure are not derived from society, instead they come from within me. I can’t coexist with constant comfort. If I am too comfortable, I get antsy and want to go elsewhere. I suppose there are many times when I have learned this lesson, but I didn’t truly listen. It wasn’t until I experienced disappointment, dread, and curiosity from failing, persisting, and accepting reality that it finally sank in.
Hannaford. It’s practically a family business at this point. Kinda fun. Kinda…not. Though I wasn’t happy working at the supermarket a year ago, it turned out to be a pretty good gig. The store was clean, I made some good money, and the people were overall quite nice. Fast forward to August when I went back to school. Unfortunately, one month in, I dropped out. Now, instead of being the successful, on-track student I thought I would be, I was a two-time dropout with useless student loans. Going back to Hannaford seemed to be the safest and most reliable option: it was familiar, easy, and I already had the skills I needed. However, a few months later, my dad, a Hannaford store manager, told me I’d have to change the location I worked at because he was going to be displacing me. Another change. Great. All the relationships I built became irrelevant. The people I could count on to cover a shift were gone.
Fine. I can start over again. I can make new friends, go to new places, and relearn those life lessons. That’s the curse of starting over, right? Originally, I was full of disappointment and dread, I hated the thought of leaving behind the space, people, and routines I knew. But, at the same time, I was filled with curiosity. Would more doors open for me at this new location? See, the funny thing about curses is that they benefit at least one party. Turns out, that party was me. Moving to the new Hannaford location came with new duties and I also got to attend my first meeting. That’s when my perspective really shifted.
Before the meeting, I was shaking from anxiety as I was told I had to contribute a thought or idea in some way. It ended up just being some managers talking about helping us associates thrive at work and getting to our desired positions in our careers. I have no interest in staying at Hannaford for my whole life–it’s a means to an end–but having my managers speak with this small group felt personal. For the first time, I aligned with something at my job. We learned about the company’s resources, how they always have many positions available, and even a portal online where associates can pitch their own ideas to the company. The main point they had? If they don't know what we want, they can't help. In the end, we have to speak up for ourselves. I instantly asked my manager for training in two other positions. They said yes, and I started training within the week. Change didn’t stop there. That same week, I was taken aside by another associate. She started whispering. She told me she was leaving, her full-time position was going to be up for grabs, and it was mine if I wanted it. I immediately jumped at the opportunity. That meeting was just the beginning of the realization that change had a lot to offer, and it was working in my favor.
All my life, I've been judged for being “indecisive” when in reality, I knew exactly what I wanted: everything. Why choose ice cream or cake when I could just have ice cream cake? The trouble I had wasn’t deciding what I wanted, I knew that. The problem I actually had was choosing only one thing. I'm not made to do one thing for the rest of my life, stay in one place, or settle. I’m designed to flow: meet new people, see new places, work jobs that haven't been invented, and create whenever possible. I am not and never will be perfect, but I am proud of who I am and the way I choose to lead my life. I no longer fear change; I crave it. Furthermore, in my experience, change equals chaos, and I love it. One of my biggest strengths is that I am quite good at organizing. Chaos is always in need of some organization. Honestly, it is like playing Solitaire in real life: the cards start all jumbled up and the goal is to sort them out. When everything is calm and organized, I have nothing to do; I’ve basically lost my purpose and life is extremely unenjoyable. But, when there is some chaos I am occupied, content, and extremely satisfied. My life is always moving and changing and I wouldn’t want it any other way. My life now? Let’s just say I booked an Uber and Change is my driver.